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July 18 My Boy Alex...Hi all.
Some of you know ad some of you don't know I have a boy called Alex and that I am having great problems right now. He is a very intelligent boy who loves music and art, PE and anything sporty. He is compassionate, caring and loves his baby brother and sister, almost like his own children. I just wished I could see this more than what I get right now.
I wrote about Sophie a few weeks ago, so I thought, keep tradition and do the next one!
I was working in H.Samuels when I fell pregnant with Alex. I had been in a relationship of sorts with his dad (of which I shan't be naming) for a few months, but it did come as a shock. I had been using the 3 monthly injection and we had been taking further precautions too. Still I was here, sitting in the doctors room going through the same emotions that I'd been through 2 and a half years earlier. My first thought however this time was, 'how will I tell him?' I knew that the relationship we had wasn't serious, just a bit of fun. He wasn't the type of person that I could see heading down the aisle with in the near or distant future. I hadn't even really introduced him to Sophie properly at the time, though she had met him a few times. (I know I sound a slapper, but we had been seeing each other for about 6 months) Anyway, I knew I would have to get the inevitable over and done with, so I told my mum who was the 'see, I told you so' type. I had such a lecture. But now she knew, I asked her to tell him for me. Which she gladly did!
We had agreed to meet up at my home where we could discuss what we were going to do. As I had already decided that this baby was for keeps, I really needed to know where he would be fitting in to all of this. I didn't want the world, just to know if he would be playing a part in the baby's life. After much discussion, tears and a small argument, we were still nowhere closer to any resolution so I decided to make the descision to keep him away. I didn't want my child to have a sporadic relationship, never knowing when and if his dad was going to turn up.
So here I was, 20 and pregnant and alone. Again. All I had was me, my Sophie and this knew little life groing inside me. I knew I was completely out of my mind with worry but I did what every Brit does, get on with things. Though, just before Christmas 2000, I finally gave up working as I was very tired coping as a pregnant mum with little help from anyone.
Alex was a fab pregnancy, I was huge with him! From behind, I didn't look pregnant, but as I turned round, this enormous globe would attack you! Many a time Sophie would get knocked over by her babba as she called my bump, but she loved it nevertherless.
My due date, May 21st came and went, with absoultely no sign of this baby! So me and my best friend Kim decided to go out for the day to the towns Kite Festival. That was on June 3rd. Late that evening, I didn't feel right, so i called on my neighbour and close friend Claire. We were that close that I had asked her to be at the birth as my mum had told me she didn't want to be there again. (I later found out she didn't mean it, but we were both too stubborn to sort things!) Sophie and me stayed with Claire and Phil that night and had a bit of a laugh. We were wondering if it was goin to happen anytime soon. Early in the morning, I started having the familiar pains that I remembered with Sophie. So Claires partner took us to the hospital where at just gone 6 that evening of June 4th 2001, Alex-James arrived. The Simpsons had just started and I was nearly tempted to call him Bart!! He weighed 9lb 8, 2lbs heavier than his sister. Claire cut the cord for me and now here I was, again not knowing how the hell I was going to cope.
Alex and me came home the following day to a very grumpy Sophie. It turned out she was very happy being the only child, and it was insulting to think she had a brother! I don't know why, but I remember looking at this gorgeous new baby boy thinking, 'you're gonna be trouble'. I wish I'd been wrong.
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Over the next 18 months, PND crept back in my life and it was difficult. I'd managed to fall out with most of my neighbours through one thing or another and again I was feeling very alone, but again, I got sorted after a visit to the doctor. But this time, it was hard. Not on my behalf, but I had noticed Alex was a very active baby. As in, he was walking early, never sleeping and NEVER listening. I thought he'd grow out of it, but he never.
When he started school, I finally decided to see a proffessional about him. I knew that the behavior wasn't like other kids, most other kids did behave, even if they didn't at home, they would at school or whatever. After a lot of assessments, he had been diagnosed with 'signs of ADHD' and 'signs of Aspgers'. Thing is with a (non)diagnosis, there is no help. All I had was a leaflet for a parenting course and a list of support lines.
3 years down the line, things are much much worse. It used to just be hyperactiveness, no sleep, things like that. But now, it's escalated to the point of that I am sometimes scared of my beautiful boy. In the last 18 months, we've had him threatening to kill himself, wishing he could stab me (he once got a knife out of the kitchen). He's erratic, doesn't sit still, doesn't concentrate well and hits out at me and others all the time. He continually steals from us and others and has lost a lot of his friends as a result.
I have been to countless courses, doing countless reward charts, time outs, pocket money etc. But if Sophie knows how to behave normally without incentive, why can't Alex? That's if these things work at all! I start positive every day. But it takes just one thing to not go Alex's way and all hell breaks loose.
Like this morning for instance. Him and Rhys were playing with one of those rope lights and they were having a fab time. I had asked, then told Alex he mustn't show Rhys how the plug goes in the socket because Rhys could hurt himself. Then I had to warn him if he did it again, he'd lose out on playing on his Ds and the Wii later. Not even 5 minutes later he was doing it again. so I said he'd lose them. With that, he threw the rope light at me (I was feeding Bethan the 3 month old) and he went to hit me. Then he started smashing up the lounge and just kicking off.
There's only so much I can do now and only so much more I can take. I love this boy so very much, and I want him to be happy. Thankfully, we are waiting for a reassessment. Alex will also be getting counselling in September and we will be getting some home help 3 hours a week so Alex and I can rebuild our relationship. I'll let you know how we get on
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