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July 18 My Boy Alex...Hi all.
Some of you know ad some of you don't know I have a boy called Alex and that I am having great problems right now. He is a very intelligent boy who loves music and art, PE and anything sporty. He is compassionate, caring and loves his baby brother and sister, almost like his own children. I just wished I could see this more than what I get right now.
I wrote about Sophie a few weeks ago, so I thought, keep tradition and do the next one!
I was working in H.Samuels when I fell pregnant with Alex. I had been in a relationship of sorts with his dad (of which I shan't be naming) for a few months, but it did come as a shock. I had been using the 3 monthly injection and we had been taking further precautions too. Still I was here, sitting in the doctors room going through the same emotions that I'd been through 2 and a half years earlier. My first thought however this time was, 'how will I tell him?' I knew that the relationship we had wasn't serious, just a bit of fun. He wasn't the type of person that I could see heading down the aisle with in the near or distant future. I hadn't even really introduced him to Sophie properly at the time, though she had met him a few times. (I know I sound a slapper, but we had been seeing each other for about 6 months) Anyway, I knew I would have to get the inevitable over and done with, so I told my mum who was the 'see, I told you so' type. I had such a lecture. But now she knew, I asked her to tell him for me. Which she gladly did!
We had agreed to meet up at my home where we could discuss what we were going to do. As I had already decided that this baby was for keeps, I really needed to know where he would be fitting in to all of this. I didn't want the world, just to know if he would be playing a part in the baby's life. After much discussion, tears and a small argument, we were still nowhere closer to any resolution so I decided to make the descision to keep him away. I didn't want my child to have a sporadic relationship, never knowing when and if his dad was going to turn up.
So here I was, 20 and pregnant and alone. Again. All I had was me, my Sophie and this knew little life groing inside me. I knew I was completely out of my mind with worry but I did what every Brit does, get on with things. Though, just before Christmas 2000, I finally gave up working as I was very tired coping as a pregnant mum with little help from anyone.
Alex was a fab pregnancy, I was huge with him! From behind, I didn't look pregnant, but as I turned round, this enormous globe would attack you! Many a time Sophie would get knocked over by her babba as she called my bump, but she loved it nevertherless.
My due date, May 21st came and went, with absoultely no sign of this baby! So me and my best friend Kim decided to go out for the day to the towns Kite Festival. That was on June 3rd. Late that evening, I didn't feel right, so i called on my neighbour and close friend Claire. We were that close that I had asked her to be at the birth as my mum had told me she didn't want to be there again. (I later found out she didn't mean it, but we were both too stubborn to sort things!) Sophie and me stayed with Claire and Phil that night and had a bit of a laugh. We were wondering if it was goin to happen anytime soon. Early in the morning, I started having the familiar pains that I remembered with Sophie. So Claires partner took us to the hospital where at just gone 6 that evening of June 4th 2001, Alex-James arrived. The Simpsons had just started and I was nearly tempted to call him Bart!! He weighed 9lb 8, 2lbs heavier than his sister. Claire cut the cord for me and now here I was, again not knowing how the hell I was going to cope.
Alex and me came home the following day to a very grumpy Sophie. It turned out she was very happy being the only child, and it was insulting to think she had a brother! I don't know why, but I remember looking at this gorgeous new baby boy thinking, 'you're gonna be trouble'. I wish I'd been wrong.
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Over the next 18 months, PND crept back in my life and it was difficult. I'd managed to fall out with most of my neighbours through one thing or another and again I was feeling very alone, but again, I got sorted after a visit to the doctor. But this time, it was hard. Not on my behalf, but I had noticed Alex was a very active baby. As in, he was walking early, never sleeping and NEVER listening. I thought he'd grow out of it, but he never.
When he started school, I finally decided to see a proffessional about him. I knew that the behavior wasn't like other kids, most other kids did behave, even if they didn't at home, they would at school or whatever. After a lot of assessments, he had been diagnosed with 'signs of ADHD' and 'signs of Aspgers'. Thing is with a (non)diagnosis, there is no help. All I had was a leaflet for a parenting course and a list of support lines.
3 years down the line, things are much much worse. It used to just be hyperactiveness, no sleep, things like that. But now, it's escalated to the point of that I am sometimes scared of my beautiful boy. In the last 18 months, we've had him threatening to kill himself, wishing he could stab me (he once got a knife out of the kitchen). He's erratic, doesn't sit still, doesn't concentrate well and hits out at me and others all the time. He continually steals from us and others and has lost a lot of his friends as a result.
I have been to countless courses, doing countless reward charts, time outs, pocket money etc. But if Sophie knows how to behave normally without incentive, why can't Alex? That's if these things work at all! I start positive every day. But it takes just one thing to not go Alex's way and all hell breaks loose.
Like this morning for instance. Him and Rhys were playing with one of those rope lights and they were having a fab time. I had asked, then told Alex he mustn't show Rhys how the plug goes in the socket because Rhys could hurt himself. Then I had to warn him if he did it again, he'd lose out on playing on his Ds and the Wii later. Not even 5 minutes later he was doing it again. so I said he'd lose them. With that, he threw the rope light at me (I was feeding Bethan the 3 month old) and he went to hit me. Then he started smashing up the lounge and just kicking off.
There's only so much I can do now and only so much more I can take. I love this boy so very much, and I want him to be happy. Thankfully, we are waiting for a reassessment. Alex will also be getting counselling in September and we will be getting some home help 3 hours a week so Alex and I can rebuild our relationship. I'll let you know how we get on
xx July 01 Can't Believe I've Been a Mum For Over 11 Years....... Hi everyone, it is a bit of a memory lane visit here, so bear with me!!
I have been a mum for 11 years, 3 months and 7 days, not that I'm counting! My litle girl is on her way to secondary school for the next phase of her education in September. I'm not even 30 yet! She's still tiny, and by tiny, she's still able to wear some 3-4yr tops! She's just 122cm tall, but my word she has the atitude of ant teen!
Way back when I was 17 and just given birth to my baby girl Sophie did I ever think that there'd be 4. I never thought I'd be having one baby for goodness sake! When I had fallen pregnant, it had been a bit of a shock. At 16, I was on the pill, but I was naive and never thought to read the leaflets that accompany medications such as antibiotics. My GP had neglected to tell me either, thinking that I was still a kid. Still, now it had happened, I knew that there was no alternative in my mind, I was keeping this baby. Sophie's dad and I split up during the pregnancy, amicably enough, but he played no part in the rest of the pregnancy or the birth. I was pretty much alone, apart from an overbearing mother. Still, I gave birth to Sophie Louise and I got on with it.
It was tough. I knew it would be, but I didn't expect the dark feelings and the resentment I sometimes felt to this beautiful little baby I had produced. I always loved her and always will. But at the time I was in a scary place called Postnatal Depression. I didn't know about this, nor did I think I was ill. I thought I wasn't normal so I did my best to make out I was 'normal'. More and more I would not open the curtains, not bother to get out of bed even, I'd only just manage to egt out of bed to keep Sophie fed and clean. I didn't care about myself, I didn't't want to do this 'mum' thing anymore. I felt dead inside. Even her smile had not had it's effect on me. The only time we did venture out or clean was when my mother wanted us to visit or we went to hers.
Sophie was 15 months when Social Services knocked on the door. It was a wet, miserable Tuesday afternoon and I was getting ready to see the doctor as I had a chest infection. There was the social worker and a child protection officer adn they asked to speak to me. I answered all their questions truthfully. It was just then thtat it had clicked that I was actually ill. The social worker who had seen me suggested that I also speak to the GP about how I was feeling. I was so scared they were going to take Sophie away from me, but they never. In fact they did all they could to help me cope better with things.
Eventually, the medication kicked in and I was able to enjoy my little girl again. I even decided that I wanted to go to work for the first time. I managed to get a lovely job selling in the retail chain H.Samuel in January 2000. Itwas a new millenium, new start kinda thing. I loved that job! I found that chatting the hind legs off a donkey was a good sales technique and more often than not, I could make a sale 20% higher than the person originally wanted to spend. I'll never forget one sale I had. It was this lovely guy in his twenties who wanted to buy his beloved a platinum solitaire. He wanted something simple but elegant. His original budget was £500. After an hour of looking at rings, he still couldn't decide. He asked me what I would want, if money was no object, so I joked somethin from Tiffany's! But as I wanted a sale, I showed him a new ring that we only had in a week, It was a beautiful princess cut solitaire ring selling at £950. It was beautiful in my eyes. I said that I thought it was beautiful. Anyway, he left, and I was miffed. But 20 minutes he'd come back, with cash and brought it there and then!!! This couple are still together now, married and a baby on the way!
I left the job I loved in the November of that year as I was ill with my new pregnancy. But that's a story for another day.....
Thanks for reading, I'm gonna do some more of these over the next few weeks. Please feel free to comment!!
Trina xxx June 22 The Birth Of Baby Bethan 25/04/2009I finally had my little girl on 25th April! The week preceding the big event was very hard for me. Over the course of the week, I'd been getting pains, but nothing had happened. Finally, late on Friday April 25th, the pains I were getting were proper labour pains. But of course, now, I didn't believe it was happening. So I ignored it and went to bed to watch telly. when I realised these pains were regular, I decided to call the maternity unit and they said don't come til they are less than 10 minutes apart. I decided at 1:30am that it was time to leave as being 15 miles from the hospital and the my sisters (she was looking after the older 3 for me) I was worried that I'd be giving birth next to the A339! We arrived at the maternity unit at 2:30am, at which point everything stopped again!! The midwife suggested we go for a short walk, but I was determined to do a tour of the whole hospital! We (Marv & I!!) walked down 4 flights of stairs which at that point I should have turned round and gone back, and carried on down the very long corridor that leads to the main hospital. I decided that I needed to go back as things actually hurt now!! We eventually managed to get back to my room at 4am. I was now in a lot of pain and demanded my gas and air. I wanted to do the rest of the labour on my front as the pain wasn't so bad. All the time though, I was shouting at the midwife as I didn't think my waters would naturally break! I was demanding a c-section and the midwife just ignored my complaining and said they'd break when they were ready. And boy did I realise! I needed to start pushing, but they still hadn't broken so by now I was freaking out! But, all of a sudden I knew they'd broken! Two minutes, yes TWO minutes later, Bethan's head had popped out!
She was born at 4:49am weighing 7lb 11oz
She's now 12lb and is beautiful! I'll have piccies on here asap xx
October 13 New Stuff!Hi all,
I haven't uploaded any pictures in ages, so I thought I'd do you a small slideshow. Unfortunately, there isn't as many as there should be as Marv f****d the PC and needs to try and restore 1000+ jpeg files, all mine of course! (I'm not best pleased about this!)
There is also a short 1 minute video of Rhys with the giggles, and a short surprise for you at the end!!! May I just say that Rhys does find it hilarious, so don't panic!
Have a good week!
xxx
October 08 What Goes Around Comes Around...Hi guys,
Hope you are all well, and Jill if you're reading this, I hope you had a better day!
First of all, thanks everyone for the comments about the text messages, I knew that I hadn't actually done anything, but when you get spoken to like that then it does make you wonder, do you know what I mean?
Well, I haven't heard from said brother since Saturday, I have just left him to get on with things; until he realises what a twat he's been. In my family, it's an awful lot easier to wait til they get their flea out of their ear as it were than to try and get an apology. And I know there won't be one as he's not 'that sort of person' wether he's right or wrong. Must be in the genetical make up cos we're all as stubborn as one another like that!
I've had a good week so far, despite feeling queasy all the time, to be expected I suppose. Today was a good day for me, so I ventured out to get Rhys weighed and boy was I shocked! He tipped the scales at 22lbs 4oz!!! With regards to the average weight of a 5 month old boy, he's over 5lb heavier!!! After I had him weighed , I spent some of the day with my mum. I don't get down to hers too much now I'm not feeling as well as I had. I got back home just before the kids finished school. On my way in the back door, I heard sirens, and naturally, I looked to see where they were headed. They were headed to my brother, the one who's been nasty. I got the kids to be nosey as the last time there was an ambulance there, it was for my niece as she'd cracked her mouth. It turns out that my brother had yet again, got the wrong end of the stick about something and took it out on a wall or something and now needs to be seen at A&E. No offence, but I have always said, what goes around, comes around. I do hope he's ok, but hopefully this will teach him to stop being a temperamental idiot. Not only that, I recall his girlfriend saying if he damaged one more thing in the house through his temper tantrums, then he'd be out on his ear. I don't know if it will happen, but if she does go through with it, then I wouldn't at all be surprised.
Well speak to you all again in a few days or so.
Trina
xxx October 04 Was Havin A Good day Until...Hi all
I am about to go on a bit of a rant, so be warned!
The past week I have been full of ups and downs, Ups and down from the loo with the morning noon and night sickness that is! I've really been suffering with this pregnancy and I still am none the wiser as to how far pregnant I am! I saw the midwife and she said she's gonna put it as roughly 7-9 weeks, but I'm not sure.
Rhys started teething last Friday and on the 1st October, it cut through! Less that a week, I'm impressed! He's now got more on the go, but he's not been too bad with it, just every now and again he's had a screamig fit! Then I feel like it's never going to end!
Today was a good day. Rhys and me laid in til 8:30, which is a fist since he was 3 months! He enjoys playing now so it was nice just to lay in bed and snooze together. We got up, Alex had his breakfast and was out of the door playing with his mates a barely just gone 9! So apart from Rhys, I had an empty house. Sophie stayed at a friends and Marv was at work. While Rhys was sleeping, I made the most of the peace.
Then I got a text from one of my brothers, which has resulted in a huge argument over I don't know what. It's easier to show you the messages, so here goes:
Him : Can me n 4eyez pop down 4 a cuppa
Me : Yh if you're quiet, I have a bit of a headache, get the washing in it's rainin
Him : That rude I wont bovva
Me : What's rude, I just said you need to get your washing in
Him : F*** off im quiet u mek out lyk my youth are bad they just generaly happy which cum with noize, u carnt go on lyk that wiv a 4th on rout I wont hinder your silence no more
(By the way, I hope you can decipher this, I am typing word for word. It took me ages and at this point I STILL can't work out how I have offended him)
Me : Why are you bein stupid, I didn't say that to be nasty, you take things the wrong way
Him : No c i kno you speak ur mind and u can't hold your tongue, it shud be cut from ur mouth u offend me thru my children often, dnt lyk it actually
Me : I wasn't trying to offend you, I don't know what your problem is, I only said I had a headache and now you're going on like an idiot
Him : Comin from an idiot who didnt tek gcse
(May have taken his GCSEs, but who's more grammatically correct with the correct spelling here)
Me : Why are you being like this, I just said I had a headache, anyone would think I just tipped a drink over you or something, tell me how saying I have a headache is offensive
Him : Errm b quiet u say that lyk im a kid, u always bring negativity toward my children and your own 4 that matter. Ur kidz r bad coz dey r neglected, don't actlyk mine r. u ask any1 theyd agree with me, u r the same wiv evry1
(At this point, I am now in tears, I'm apparently neglecting my kids and as far as he's concerned, everyone he knows say the same.)
Me : You have completely taken what I said the wrong way. And how dare you say my kids are neglected. If you feel they are that badly treated then call Social Services
Him : I dont fink u need that again
Now, firstly can some one PLEASE tell me what I have said to get a reaction like this?! Now I could go on about how he's always screaming and shouting at his kids, goin off the deep end over daft things and ignoring serious things, always hitting them on the back of the head and grabbing them when they are being naughty but I hadn't. I could go on about how he's always weeded up and sniffin at the weekend, but I hadn't.
Now I have said in the past that i don't like the way his kids touch things of mine, like my PC, my £1,200 telly and other stuff most kids know not to touch, but for some reason, they think they are allowed to touch all this stuff at home. I only tell them not to touch stuff because a) It's not theirs, b) They can't afford to replace it and c) these kids should know better, one of them is in school! These are the sort of kids who come round your house and purposely watch you to see if you are going to say something, they've broken loads fo things and Marvin has freaked out cos they have never offered to replace or pay for it. Up til now I have defended them to the hills saying, they're family, what am I suppsed to do? But that's it now. I am not going to bother any more. All my other nieces and nephew that come over know they shouldn't touch particular things, their parents are happy for me to say know when their child goes to throw a brush at an LCD screen,but not this one. He thinks he's the golden f*****g child, he always has doen.
I even phoned my mum to see what she thought and all she could say was, 'I'm not getting involved.' Well THANX
OK, rant over!
Speak soon guys,
Trina xxx August 11 WOW, What A Week!!!!!!!!!!!Hi guys!!!!!!!!!!!! I have had a fantastic week last week!!!!! Well it actually didn't start until Thursday morning. It's a long story, but I shall be as brief as I can! OK, some of you may know that I have 5 siblings. I have an older brother that I haven't seen or heard from in over 10 years, and in an earlier blog on my old page I had put it out there that I was searching for him. The last time I had seen him was shortly after I had Sophie waaaay back in March 1998, he'd come to see me in my new house later in the May. Well, I checked my emails on Thursday morning as I usually do, and I had a message from slide.com, the place where I have my photo guest-book which is on the greeting of this guest-book. I also have the same guest-book on bebo, myspace and other sites that I go on. Anyway, it said someone had signed. I clicked onto slide and would you believe it, it was my brother!!!!!!!!!! Then I thought, how the hell am I supposed to actually talk to him? So I had to reply to his one onto mine, hoping that he'd see it and thankfully he had.
I had a great day! I'll be blogging again tomorrow, so see you guys soon! Oh, by the way, you'll be able to see more pictures in the latest album! August 05 Summer Holidays Draaaaaaaag...................!Hiya, Ok, I am trying to get back on top of this blogging malarkey, it's just been sooooooo long since I did it! LOL Weymouth Sealife Centre 1st August 2008 Well last Friday, we all went to Weymouth Sealife Centre for the day. Well I say the day, but we were back home again by mid afternoon because I was really rough with a stinking cold. Looks like everyone else has got it now! Anyway,we went to see the sea creatures. It wasn't as expensive as I first thought, considering what the place has to offer. They have recently introduced 4 kiddie rides there and they are free and unlimited use, so that was good. I never thought that Rhys would enjoy it as much as he did though! A lot of the sections were quite dark, but when we went to see the turtle tunnel (you basically walk under their tank) he was fascinated! He didn't know where to look first, bless him. Then the other good bit for him was when we saw the seal sanctuary. They have a section of their enclosure 'under' water so you could see them swimming and diving past! Because a lot of the areas were non-flash photography, the pictures I took weren't fantastic, but I uploaded all the pictures of the day anyway! Apart from a few niggles, Sophie and Alex really enjoyed themselves. I think Sophie enjoyed the penguin sanctuary the best, they are her favourite creatures at the moment. And Alex loved the shark nursery the best. Me, well I loved the fact that we got to spend a day out as a family with no worries. The weather was fantastic and even the food in the restaurant wasn't too bad!
Since last Friday, I have been fighting to get over a nasty cold that seems to have been lingering on for weeks! Poor Rhys has it today, and along with him teething, he's feeling very sorry for himself! I bought him this cool 3-in-1 baby walker thing off ebay and you can also use it as a rocker too! Sophie and Alex have near on driven me mad already and we're only on the second week of the holidays, goodness knows what sort of wreck I'll be by September! Marv's still enjoying his job, despite a few nasty roadside accidents that have had fatalities. He hasn't said a lot about what he's seen, but it has changed the way he drives now. Well I will try to get back on again in a few days or so. And my apologies to all of you who haven't seen me visit for a while, it's tough to type at the same time as holding a baby you know! May 23 Rhys is a Month Old!!!Hiya!
Still got no net, but hey, I get to use me mum's for free!
So Rhys is a month old already! He was weighed on Wednesday and he weighed 11lbs 11oz! So at least I know my body is producing enough milk. He has been sleeping pretty well, apart from one night, when he decided to stay awake ALL night! Other than that, he's doing well. We have had to put him in the big cot already as he has outcrown the Moses basket and he started properly smiling on Thursday! For some reason, I can't upload any pics onto here,but if tou're on myspace you can find me on there: MYSPACE I may have to add you first but that's not a problem.
I'm also on bebo and Facebook!
Well have a great weekend and I'll update you when I can! May 05 Baby Rhys Video!Hi again,
I just thought you may want to se Rhys's first evening at home, already wide awake, observing the new world around him!
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